Monthly Archives: November 2012

Is what I’ve got healthy or unhealthy?

Following on from my recent post on healthy marriage, so many of you liked it, I thought I’d do a bit more.

Ok, so when I dislocated my shoulder and broke the bone in three places, I felt pretty unhealthy.  Bouncing down the mountain on my way to First Aid in one of those orange “blood wagons” had not quite been my most desirable ending to a week in the Alps.   It was a physical catastrophe.  Once the two burly medics had popped the shoulder back in “voila”! My body immediately went into overdrive, natural anaesthetics were released, my bone began to fuse together and now it’s just an amusing memory (not that funny really). (Listen to my interview with Vanessa Phelps, BBC Radio London. Click HERE )

So what happens in our marriages when we have a catastrophe or even very gradual attrition, so that the catastrophe becomes the realisation that “things just aren’t the way I wanted them to be”, or yes even a catastrophe at work, which ends up being an issue in the marriage for we take our emotions with us everywhere.  Folks who say they don’t bring work home, are seriously just bottling things up.  Not good, as it ferments!

In that moment of realisation that “this is a crisis – darling”, couples in healthy marriages have the tools and skills to do first aid, set the break and let it heal.  Tools like, being able to comfort one another emotionally, understanding how to forgive properly, and not just superficially.

Nice idea, but really isn’t this a bit prosaic?

Being a dedicated pragmatist, I am consumed by the idea that difficulties or catastrophes make us either bitter or better.  So come on folks, get healthy in your marriages, so that you can look back on troubles and be amused by the memory, and thankful for a good “Marriage First Aid Kit”.