All about the right equipment.
Resolving conflict and handling contentious issues are just two of a host of potentially inflammatory issues which couples have to navigate to stay successful. To do so requires a certain amount of skill and relational dexterity. For example sitting next to me on my flight yesterday were a good looking couple, probably mid thirties who were on the verge of rowing throughout the 70 minute flight, all I can say is “God help us if it had been longer”. He had the skills to assuage her anger, but clearly no ability to begin to deal with them as a couple. I just sat quietly and played “grumpy traveller” a game I’m good at. It was sad really because they were clearly fond of each other, but their fondness was frustrated by their lack of dexterity as they chatted over contentious topics (Yes, I heard everything – grumpy travellers hear it all).
So, what’s to be done, well two things have to happen for couples to build love; firstly they must reduce the pain, and in tandem increase the love. Sounds too complex maybe, well it isn’t really. In fact your probably doing most of it already. Just do more of the stuff that he/she really likes, and do less of the stuff they dislike. I know there is more to it than that, but basically that’s the gist. It’s about having the right equipment or what I call emotional attitude to deal with hassle when it comes along.
So, my skiing buddy Rich, has injured his big toe horribly because his boots fitted badly, his tools were poor and so he has been injured, so get good tools (emotional attitude tools) and your ready for that long flight because you know how to reduce the pain and increase the love.