The sexless marriage is very hard work.

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Click on image to launch video report from MW Hainichen

Couples in distress seem to find their way to our door, seeking help.  Sometimes one party is determined on leaving the marriage, other times they just need a bit of coaching and reassurance.  Mostly they are fairly well suited to each other, and have just sort of fallen out of being in love.  Simply forgotten how to be nice to each other. Seriously, quite often they are clearly fond of each other, but have just got into bad habits.

A couple I saw yesterday are typical.  Five years into the marriage and he is set on divorcing, or at least he was last week. Now he wants to stay in the marriage and she wants to divorce. It’s insane how each ones appetite for retaining the moral high ground constantly usurps the other ones repair attempts (I could give them a slap sometimes – really).  The Richard & Maria Kane school of counselling / coaching is at times fairly abrupt.  Yesterday was no exception, as I spelt out the blindingly obvious;

1. You both want the same thing; love, sex and fun (so why not with each other).

2.  You haven’t had sex for so long it’s no wonder you are irritated with each other (the sexless marriage is very hard work).

3. It doesn’t help at all living in different houses (blindingly obvious, unless your blind to the obvious).

In an ideal World what would I do for this couple;

  1. Send them on a being nice to each other programme.
  2. Send them on a selective memory deleting programme.
  3. Force them to become intimate, sort of a pump priming exercise.
  4. Ban TV and laptops from the bedroom (research suggests couples with bedroom tv’s have 50% less sex, than those without).

I know this is a bit flippant, but hopefully you get my point which is.  Its supposed to work dummy, you might have just got a bit sloppy, and for goodness sake especially with children in the family, get your act together please!

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