Monthly Archives: March 2013

What guys are thinking but never say. Part 2.

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Following on from my post yesterday which just had so many reads it was ridiculous, I have cracked on with part two. Hope you find it insightful.

“I want more guy time.”

While I love being around you darling, and am so proud of you, I also, just once in a while really like being with my buddies, and to be honest I could really do without a sort of shadow of an upset wife hanging over me when I meet up with them.

For me, It’s about being the Master Chief (Halo) amongst Master Chief’s, about belching, telling stupid jokes, calling each other rude names, recanting old stories and generally being very unsophisticated which is so appealing.  You could call it my cave man moment.  You can meet with your girl friends and discuss books, actors and nail varnish.  We will play shoot em up first person games, eat pizza and sit with our feet on the coffee table (terrible), even though we know you hate it when we do that.

Its not about being anti you, it’s about being wrecklessly masculine, with my friends, some of whom you might disapprove of.  Amazingly, when I have done this for a while, I will remember what it was about you that drew me from the pack in the first place, and I’ll come home delighted to see you, having evacuated all that hot air.  Might even bring you some flowers.

“You look hot.”

Ok, so I understand that with little ones running round, and the school run, and the shopping and all that stuff that you don’t always feel that smoking hot!  Lingerie is now underwear, and clothes are sometimes, well just a tad too comfortable.  But you know, inside this guy is a man, who still thinks you are a real hotty, and knows just how good you can look when you have time to do what’s needed.  Seriously, we mostly aren’t seeing the outer garments anyway, if you know what I mean.  So, get this.  We have love tinted sunglasses, we see right past that puke stained blouse to the real women underneath, we love what we see, and you should too.

“It turns me on that you’re the mother of my child.”

Finally, without you I could never have become a Dad.  The pride and self esteem I get from seeing you nurturing our little ones wells up and makes me so devoted to you.  You see I didn’t always know that I would actually get this family thing going.  I might have become Billy no Mates, no kids, no wife.  It was a very realistic possibility, until you came along, and pow, here we are.  I’m your man, we are lovers – everyone knows that you and I are well “intimate”  and that makes me feel really manly.

 

 

 

 

 

 

What guys are thinking but never say.

 

Screen Shot 2013-03-21 at 08.53.04I just found a fun little article from last year published at (Parenting.com) drawn from married men with children in the household. Here are the first three results, I’ll publish the others later.

“I want to cuddle.”

Sometimes, we stagger home from work and it feels as though we have just done 15 rounds with Mike Tyson. To be very honest what we really, really need is not gymnastic sex (straight away) but just a loving cuddle.  No words, no solutions – just cuddles.  Now if one thing leads to another fair enough, but to be very honest undemanding cuddles are so welcome.

“Take charge in bed. Please?”

We know that on your list of jobs somewhere between hoovering and the dishwasher is “do sex with hubby”, which is fine.  Marital sex is sometimes dutiful, as well as sometimes sparkingly exciting.  However, we feel like we make so many overtures of interest, so many little squeezes, lingering pecks, sort of carrying around the unending question; “would now be a good time?” all the time like wearing a big hat with “would now be a good time?” written on it in big letters.  This can make sex for us a responsibility, as we endlessly seek the hormonal moment!  So, just once in a while, plan ahead take some initiative and surprise us with a lingering kiss, a sexy brush past or even just talk to us about times you have loved being sexy with us.  This may make you feel awkward or embarrassed, but hey who cares.  We are important aren’t we?

“I’m fed up with date night.”

Routine, routine routine.  We hate too much routine.  Raising children and earning money involves quite a bit of routine, so please, please, don’t regularise our date nights too.  I want our infrequent nights out to be aspiring to spontaneity. This means if we order a special bottle of wine, then enjoy the excitement, don’t mention the family budget. We are in that moment trying to create a special me and you moment within the cascade of family life. It’s not about spending money necessarily, we would be just as happy with a special picnic or a late night movie – anything that is more spontaneous than predictable.  So please, let’s have some unplanned fun.

More soon.

Why are divorce rates amongst Christians the same as everyone else?

IMG_9718-for-webWell, actually they aren’t!  In fact depending upon how committed you are to your faith, seems to have a significant bearing on divorce risk. Weaker faith factor, leads to greater divorce factor.

I do not believe that if you have no faith, you are doomed to a poor, crabby and gloomy love life, and conversely that all religious people are blissfully happy, having amazing sex lives and all that stuff.  I’m just saying that since their are times when perseverance is crucial, faith filled people, well, have more faith that “God” will bring them through.  Additionally, It is my experience from working with organisations and couples that almost all volunteers working with families, and especially couple work are people of faith.

Show me the numbers?

Brad Wilcox, a marriage expert at the University of Virginia and director of the National Marriage Project with whom I enjoyed a canapé and glass of Sauvignon Blanc at the launch of Marriage Week USA February 2012 (see photo above) has managed to dig a little deeper than your average analyst.

Cleverly, Wilcox has delineated between those who are committed to religious practice, and those who merely identify with a particular faith, such as those who, for example, on entry into a hospital, identify with a particular faith from a multiple choice of 10 or 15 options.  Although peculiarly even identifying with a faith decreases the likelihood of divorce (which I completely cannot understand).  Even after adjusting his findings to allow for socio economic factors, Wilcox uncovered some pretty significant outcomes.

Catholics are 5 percent less likely to divorce than the average, but active Catholics are 31 percent less likely to divorce than those with no religious affiliation.

Nominal Protestants are 20 percent more likely to divorce than nonreligious people, whereas, Conservative Protestants are 10 percent less likely to divorce, and Conservative active Protestants are 35 percent less likely to divorce than people in the general population.

What does this tell us?  In my view it tells us three things;

1, That being part of a faith community makes you more likely to stick together through tough times. 

2, It tells us that active, participatory faith in God gives you a net benefit, and that even nominal identification with a faith strengthens your marriage. 

3, The public identification with an institution known as generally being “good” such as “the church” will help you to stay being “good”.