I blogged at the weekend about what to do when the serotonin subsides. I suggested a few ways couples could be proactive in building new experiences together. Developing this theme, today I’m dipping into our stupid appetite for being busy with a few triggers to get you thinking about, what your thinking about;
- Eat slowly; I once had lunch with a certain person, a former policeman. He literally shovelled a massive meal down in less than 3 minutes. When I commented, he said it was something to do with always being on call, and it has developed into a habit. Try turning the telly off, turning your smart phone off, lighting a candle and taking time to eat together.
- Turn off the radio; Be honest. Are you scared of the silence, the lack of any noise? Go through the scary bit, and you will find not emptiness on the other side, but your inner voice, and inner conscience. Helps you to decide what’s important, and unimportant.
- Try sitting up late and talking about what each of you have been thinking about. What have you been pondering on in quieter moments, or as you fall asleep what do you think about.
As my good friend Dr Michael Schluter from The Relationships Foundation said; “Time is the currency of relationships” so spend a little time on your special relationship.
We all know that in a very unromantic way our marriages “are a crucial social contract which helps to forge strong families and strong communities, and that every Government in the World views families as crucial micro systems, breeding caring and wealth creating support units”. The truth is however, we didn’t fall in love in order to benefit society. It was much more about intoxicating romance, excitement and the headiness of that lingering kiss.
It is the case that sadly the serotonin will subside, and the novelty of “possessing” the affections of that awesome, irresistible special one will gradually wear off with time. Technically, an infatuated person is clinically insane whilst the brain injects so much serotonin into our systems. So, is this it? Or can couples fight off the humdrum?
I have met some couples, not many though who even after 50 years just can’t keep away from each other; one in particular who told me; “I still get a rush, when he walks in from work, and if he comes home unexpectedly I get so excited.”
So how do you do it?
Boredom is inevitable. What I mean is that as you become familiar with each other, the things that were charming and quirky can become boring, so the amusing way you sing in the shower or answer the phone in a funny voice may become boring, or heaven forbid, even irritating. The answer is to find something to do, which is new to both of you and is even vaguely interesting to both of you. Maybe read a book together and talk about it, or go to a class to learn salsa dancing. Try volunteering for a weekend or try walking and camping, so long as it’s new for both of you. That is the key! This will re energise your appetites and chase away the boredom blues.
Part Two, coming soon.