After the scandalous revelations yesterday, I began to ponder on lies, and then vows. Do vows actually mean anything in 2014?
February 8th will see thousands of couples up and down the land grab their marriage certificates, each other and then with trembling hearts they will pile into venues, mostly churches to reaffirm their marital vows. There will, undoubtedly be a few tears, and a fair amount of hand holding as the smug “still married” brigade (of which I am a champion) reflect on what might have been, had it all gone differently! Click here.
The 26 years that I have been married has seen many ups and downs. I can recall a few seasons when the downs outnumbered the ups significantly, and conversely so many ups I am spoilt.
Cohabitants cannot take part in this Guinness World Record attempt, not because the smugs don’t like them, far from it. Myself and my smug friends genuinely love cohabiting couples. It’s just that vows are public, permanent and oath like in their intent, and if you haven’t made them you can’t reaffirm them.
Those in perfectly valid and often hugely rewarding, loving “other half” arrangements are annoyed by smug marrieds, trying to understand what if anything is the difference. Well, lot’s of things, but let’s just consider tense for today.
As loving as a cohabiting arrangement may be, it tends to operate in the present tense only. Don’t believe me? Go and ask a married person “are you going to stay together till you die?” they say “yes, that’s the plan” . Then ask a cohabitant the same and they say “well it depends on what happens”. Bingo. Why does this matter? Well it shows a seemingly small but significantly different heart attitude, which in turn has a shaping affect on how the couple construct their affairs.
So the public confession of vows are significant. Not so much for the bride, but massively for the groom, but more on this another time.