Tag Archives: lantern church

Sex and the busy brain part 2.

Just consider how sexualised you become when you get away for a weekend. Apparently, most couples when away from the everyday pressures enjoy a much more pronounced sexual engagement when away from home.

This is partly because of greater opportunity with less mundane things to do, but also because you both can relax more having been removed from the everyday demands that shout so loudly. 

Firstly, the multi tasking voices have to be soothed. It’s no good just pretending that all is well, when you have concerns on your mind.  I’m not suggesting that you have to get everything fixed in your life before you can become “interested”, but for anxious souls this is important.

I have divided the inner voices into three categories. The outer world, the family, and the inner world.  The outer world might be unresolved issues at work, issues to do with relationships outside of the home.  Perhaps feelings of self worth to do with status or external achievements.

You might feel intensely that you deserve that promotion, but until you are recognized for being the brilliant person that you are, you can’t just have your life on hold. The family are voices to do with the neediness of your children, parents, and husband, and finally the inner voices are tied up with how you might feel about yourself, your weight, your wardrobe and general attractiveness.

Now clearly, no one can possibly get all these issues looking happy all at the same time, plus many of these areas are outside of your control.  What we are looking at here is general principles which will help to soothe the busy brain to be able to relax into sensual feelings.

Firstly, scene and the atmosphere.  Why not make your bedroom a sort of private intimate area with candles, cushions and such.

He may not even notice, but you will. This sends him a message which sounds like, “I’m preparing for intimacy”.  If you have children in the house, and you havn’t already, get a lock on your bedroom door.

Secondly, get a notebook.  Normally half the things you are retaining in your brain are things which are not creating anxiety as such, they are just draining your resources as you attempt to not forget, maybe Jimmy’s orthodontic appointment or that birthday card for your friend.  Well, just write down a list of things you are carrying round in your head, then guess what, you don’t have to carry them round anymore. This frees your brain to stop multi tasking and get focused on “other things”.

Thirdly, for anxiety producing things that you can’t do anything about, talk them over with a friend or your husband, if you are spiritual pray together. This may seem really awkward at first – but give it a try.

Often just rehearsing the issue will help you to de-escalate it from “important” to sort of “in process”. 

This is really crucial because not everything is resolvable, so you have to find a way to park the anxiety in a good well lit car park, so that you can revisit it when you are able.  Your brain will find it objectionable if you try to just forget about a problem, so parking it in an accessible place can really help.

Finally, make sure your not angry with your husband.  Your brain cannot let you become turned on with the same person that you are angry or upset with.  You have to keep short accounts.

So is it just a big social club?

The Lantern, Merley.  First of all, so packed out at about 250 people, there was standing room only for myself and my South African buddy Marco, who at 6’6” is the resident baby comforter for mum’s as they tire of managing babies.  Marco just stretches out his massive arms and gives the little ones a sweet grin whereupon, without fail they drop off in his arms. Marco loves babies – just as well really.

As it’s Mother’s Day today, Rimmer, the Vicar did a great job of honouring women, interviewed three women, and did a brief talk.  Bit of sung worship with the guitar led band, a few prayers and all done in about 70 minutes.

Of course it’s then that real Church begins as 250 people all begin to chat, catch up and arrange to meet.  So is it just a big social club?  Well, it’s true that’s what it looks like, but scratch a little under the surface and people are mostly connecting because their common interest, is their faith in God, and crucially how God is impacting their lives today.  So, since there are literally stacks of young families, folks are praying for each other and helping each other with kids, and seeing God intervene in their lives.  Needless to say, this is all pretty exciting.  I chatted to an older guy who clearly was recovering from a fairly significant illness of some sort.  To my shame, I had no idea what had happened to him, so I just smiled along, and was pleased that he could once again talk and sing, and also pleased I wasn’t rumbled regarding his condition!

I think this is so interesting.  All over the World it’s like this, which is beyond any social network, whereby people from all ages, professions and social strata’s, without trying, find themselves “being church”, sharing the news of the goodness of God with their chums.

Another really weird thing at the Lantern is the 250 people are always in flux, so new people are arriving, and old ones moving on to a massive degree.  This, however is not a problem, it just seems to have a sweet and appealing DNA that seems to work!