Tag Archives: powder

Sex and the busy brain part 2.

Just consider how sexualised you become when you get away for a weekend. Apparently, most couples when away from the everyday pressures enjoy a much more pronounced sexual engagement when away from home.

This is partly because of greater opportunity with less mundane things to do, but also because you both can relax more having been removed from the everyday demands that shout so loudly. 

Firstly, the multi tasking voices have to be soothed. It’s no good just pretending that all is well, when you have concerns on your mind.  I’m not suggesting that you have to get everything fixed in your life before you can become “interested”, but for anxious souls this is important.

I have divided the inner voices into three categories. The outer world, the family, and the inner world.  The outer world might be unresolved issues at work, issues to do with relationships outside of the home.  Perhaps feelings of self worth to do with status or external achievements.

You might feel intensely that you deserve that promotion, but until you are recognized for being the brilliant person that you are, you can’t just have your life on hold. The family are voices to do with the neediness of your children, parents, and husband, and finally the inner voices are tied up with how you might feel about yourself, your weight, your wardrobe and general attractiveness.

Now clearly, no one can possibly get all these issues looking happy all at the same time, plus many of these areas are outside of your control.  What we are looking at here is general principles which will help to soothe the busy brain to be able to relax into sensual feelings.

Firstly, scene and the atmosphere.  Why not make your bedroom a sort of private intimate area with candles, cushions and such.

He may not even notice, but you will. This sends him a message which sounds like, “I’m preparing for intimacy”.  If you have children in the house, and you havn’t already, get a lock on your bedroom door.

Secondly, get a notebook.  Normally half the things you are retaining in your brain are things which are not creating anxiety as such, they are just draining your resources as you attempt to not forget, maybe Jimmy’s orthodontic appointment or that birthday card for your friend.  Well, just write down a list of things you are carrying round in your head, then guess what, you don’t have to carry them round anymore. This frees your brain to stop multi tasking and get focused on “other things”.

Thirdly, for anxiety producing things that you can’t do anything about, talk them over with a friend or your husband, if you are spiritual pray together. This may seem really awkward at first – but give it a try.

Often just rehearsing the issue will help you to de-escalate it from “important” to sort of “in process”. 

This is really crucial because not everything is resolvable, so you have to find a way to park the anxiety in a good well lit car park, so that you can revisit it when you are able.  Your brain will find it objectionable if you try to just forget about a problem, so parking it in an accessible place can really help.

Finally, make sure your not angry with your husband.  Your brain cannot let you become turned on with the same person that you are angry or upset with.  You have to keep short accounts.

Riding the powder with the young dudes.

Unbelievably I am the resident “old dude” in a group of about 20 bloggers most of whom seem to be about the same age as my kids!  In fact yesterday out on the piste in Les Arcs, someone referred to me for the first time in my entire life as “the old dude”.  This will take a bit of getting used to.

Free 5 Star ski week did sound just a tad unbelievable.  “What do I have to do?” I asked, “Oh just come along, enjoy the ride and blog about it”.  Where’s the catch then? There must be a time share sales guy waiting to pounce or another similar financial purpose.  Well actually, now that I am here, the only catch is on the bathroom door of my luxurious en suite bathroom.

Phil from Snow Vole who invited me along on the trip picked me up from the bus stop somewhere out here, quite late on Sunday night.  As I waited standing on the kerb side with just my backpack, ski boots and phone, I did wonder if this virtual Facebook friend actually did exist and was going to arrive, and was this actually an epic prank.  Glad to report, that yes he does, and he did!  On reflection, you have to be fairly adventurous to be me.  I’m always arriving at some distant place expecting to be met by just an email or Face book contact.

Val Disere day one, Les Arcs yesterday, Le Plagne today, Tignes tomorrow, its all too exciting for me!  The chalet is run and owned by Dan through his company Snowchateaux It’s really nice, relaxed, not too stuffy, hot tub, great gourmet tuck, nice staff, hot water, boot room – it’s also ski in ski out.  Les Coches is really well connected since the massive Vanoise Express, double decker cable car opened. I have stayed before at Plagne 1800 and also Nancroix (so cold that Christmas, it warmed up to -17 day time) and this place is the sweetest!

Phil fixed up with some real nice skis and my pass.  I’m not used to this level of “jolly” to be honest.  The powder yesterday in Les Arcs was the best I have ever ridden (young people don’t ski or board – they “ride”).  I ended up having like a Narnia moment, all alone in a forest of hip high powder, trees looking like Christmas, laden with snow and the silence, or lack of noise was deafening, and enchanting in equal measure.  Those of us who have ventured into such a wonderland are indeed privileged.  Hacked down under the chair lift just for fun, at one point it was unspeakably steep, but you know there are times when those thirty six weeks of lifetime skiing do come in handy.  A quick jump, spin – oh yes, no real problem to me!

One of the guys on the trip John Moy of lifecenematic.com is an awesome film maker, he literally has am amazing amount of gear with him, like a waistcoat harness thing, with a counterbalanced device for his Canon 5D – awesome.  He is where my son Dave-kane.com wants to be in a couple of years.  So, today no skiing, I’m sitting here working away at my lap top, tomorrow the sun is out, so I’ll see if I can get some pictures.